Well.. Never update my post since chrismas.. Wanted to post de.. But den got lazy..
Haas.. Well let me start from christmas day that time ba.. I will make it short.. Cause too much to think liao..

On the 25th (Chirstmas day)
Well i went to my ex de relative house to celebrate christmas, get to celebrate with him too.. Was really happy cause first time i get to spend it with the one i love.. I wont forget the day as it really means alot to me.. It was a sweet day and i really enjoy spending it with him..

On the 26th
Not a bad day either as i was spending the day with him and his family.. Well cause i stay over at his house.. Can't bear to leave him.. Till night time, we quarrel again.. I cried.. As for the details i wont say much.. Cause it hurts and it'll bring back bad memories.. I want to start crying again.. Everything cleared up.. So well.. Guess its ok..

On the 27th
Woke up quite late at his house.. He was suppose to send me home as he agreed but than considering the time he need to travel from his place to mine and back to his place again need abt 3-4 hours plus, i decided to go home myself as i don't want him to get tired cause he slept quite late yesterday as he was playing cabel till morning 8 plus than sleep.. So ya, took train with gracey (jeremy's gf) till outram than change train and bus home..
For some reason, quarrel with him again.. Cause i keep say the word "don't know".. I gotta change the way i talk le..

On the 28th
Woke up quite late.. Slept late last night.. For some stupid and fucking reason, i wanted to break up with him.. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, why the fuck i wanna break up with him.. I'm so fucking regret now.. Cause my heart's bleeding like fuck and it's broken into pieces that never be mend..
Wenwen was pronouce dead at 0000, rest in peace in 0100..

On the 29th
Never sleep for the first day.. Was thinking through alot of things.. The things when we're together and what we have done.. I really miss those day.. Was at home the whole day thinking.. Never eat for the whole day as well.. No appetite and no mood to eat.. And it carried on for the whole day..

On the 30th
Never sleep for the second day.. Was really tired.. But for some reason i just cant get to sleep.. Never eat as well.. Only drink plain water.. Cause no appetite to eat, eat what vomit what.. Damn gross..
Was wondering why i was turning this way?? Hmm.. Maybe cause i wanted to know how he feels like when he never sleep for 2 days as he say i don't understand him.. I know what i'm doing is stupid, but i just wanted to know how he feels.. Although no point doing it as we already broke up.. He knows what i'm doing and he text me, ask me go eat and rest.. But he's just doing it cause he feels guilty.. No need to feel guilty, if want to be guilty, i should be the one who feel guilty.. Cause i'm the one who ask for break up than end up this way is what i deserve also.. So was stonning the whole day at home..

On the 31th
Well.. Same again, never sleep.. Cause really can't sleep.. Never eat as well.. Haas.. Becoming god leh.. Only live by drinking water.. Haas.. My dark circles is getting darker and darker as each day passes without sleeping.. My energy is running so low that i almost passed out.. Cause i don't have the energy to do anything..
Finally i cannot take it le, went to bed and lie.. Just for a short second, i fall asleep.. Woke up not long, slept less than 5 hours.. Mom brought something for me to eat, eat abit only than cannot eat liao.. Well guess it's good also.. Get to slim down also.. Haas.. I'm losing more weight each day..

On the 1st
Which is now that i'm blogging.. My friend ask me to go club.. To countdown for new year.. No point doing it as it's just another long year.. Stayed home and countdown facing my laptop.. Just read his blog.. I feel bad for breaking his heart as i didn't mean to.. It did hurt my heart as well, i don't want it to happen this way de.. I miss him alot.. But i don't know what he wants.. In facebook, he request to be in a complicated relationship with me.. I accept without knowing why.. Maybe cause i still what to be with him ba.. I ask him what he mean by that, he answered me "not together nor apart" which is till now i don't understand what he trying to say.. But after reading his blog, i think i should give up liao.. Cause he say he wanna find a girl that can make his heat beat again this year.. I know confirm not me liao.. One thing that i'm happy about is that almost the end, he still mention my name.. I'm really happy.. But if he really want to go and not continue this relstionship, than i'm letting him go.. It will hurt me alot, but i want him to be happy.. If his happy, i will be happy too.. I miss playing with vanessa.. First time treat other people de sister as my own sister like that.. She's really cute.. I wanna dote on her more.. But i guess that i wont have a chance to do taht anymore ba.. I miss him and his family as they were really nice to him.. I even dreamed of marrying him.. Well girls tend to think about the future more.. Hmm.. I guess that will never happen le ba..
Haix.. Me and my fucking life.. I really hate my life..
Even as i'm blogging now, i don't have much energy.. I'm forceing myself to write..
My hands don't even listen to me leh.. I just hope if i'm sleeping later, i can just sleep without waking up to all this.. Hope it is all a dream.. As i'm heartless now..
I can't feel anythnig.. Even i cut my wrist, i cant even feel the pain.. ( never do that, cause i scare he see liao will flare up as i promise him not to do things to hurt myself..)
I really miss dexter alot.. How i wish time would go back to when we just started..
Being sweet to each other, loving each other all that.. But it's impossible leh.. Hiax.. Think i'm not sleeping tonight as well ba.. Can't sleep as i'm still thinking what to do with life.. Although my brain's dead, not working since the 281209..


Well happy new year.. This year i hope everything goes well for everyone.. As i don't think it will go well for me.. Haas..
What i need to do for this year:
-Find a good job..
(Hopefully found a good job.. Maybe F&B line ba..Cause i'm use to working as waitress liao.. Ever since i came out to work at age 14+..)
-Find someone to love me and dote on me
(Hopefully i can get back to him but it's impossibe de ba.. I'll let fate decide..)
-Buy new clothes after i earn money..
(Very long never buy new clothes liao.. Keep wearing old de quite sian..)
-Chiong my maple till 12x Bishop
(Can say me siao, but den i just cant stand stupid noob people keep ks me.. Only play when i'm free.. Cause need to work and earn money, no one can support myself except me.. Need to support my family also.. So bo bian..)
-Get to know more friends..
(Purely just friends nia, see how it goes ba.. Going with the flow~..)
-Go out with my long lost friends..
(Primary school,secondary school and working friends.. Miss you all lots!! Get together again some day.. Must get back to those day!!)
-Change new phone..
(Gonna change new phone, my phone so old liao.. So must chiong work!!)
-Pay my debts
(Well don't miss understand, paying my debts to my uncle for helping me buy my laptop.. The one i'm using now.. xD )
-Clean my room
(Totally in a mess, gonna get ready for chinese new year and my ah ma gonna buy me new shelf if i pack my room.. Gonna make it simple and clean.. Love you ah ma!! Ah gong i also love you.. Wont left you out de.. Haas..)
-Save money
(Haven't been saving money lately, really must save money.. If not when i'm totally broke, i need to go borrow from people.. Which i hate the most..)
-Try to cut down on cigarette
(Been wasting damn alot of money buying cigarette, if i wanna save money, best way is to cut down on cigarette.. It's wasting my life man.. I can use the money to do alot of stuff!! Been so stupid to start smoking.. Hope i'm not to late now!!)
-Pray and hope my mom wins the court case..
(She better win, i don't want to follow that bastard.. Good for nothing asshole..)
-Pray that god don't take my mom away..
(Although i've been a bad daughter, always talk back to her.. But that's how we talk.. In my heart, i still love her as my mom.. Its just that i never say it out, as it will be damn weird.. Well mom, I LOVE YOU!!)
-Hope that my brother will know how to think..
(Always hanging out with his brothers.. Don't know how to think de.. Haix.. JEFF, its time to wake up!! And start to think about your future you this damn idiot!!)
-Mature my thinking..
(Gonna grow up and stop becoming a big baby!! Must mature my thinking, i'm not young anymore!! Although i till love watching cartoons.. xD )
-Lose more weight..
(Gonna shake off those fats.. Lose more weight.. Ideal weight is 65kg or less.. Haas.. Hopefully i can success in losing weight..)


Guess that's all ba.. Update again when i'm free or i think of what to say..


♥wenwen♥